As we age, our beliefs and the stories we tell ourselves – self-talk - reawaken our humanity and help us to understand and cope with the paradox of a strong mind and an aging, perhaps weaker, body. For me, there are four recurring themes in my self-talk; spirituality, materiality, personality and society.
Spirituality
The more I see and read about religion, the more confident I am that God is a myth. But myths are not necessarily bad.
My interest in this myth, began a number of years ago and led me to reading philosophy and theology. It started when I became confused about what my life meant outside of the context of working for a living. Not that my family life was unsatisfying. It was more of a selfish inward search for meaning. It came to me in my forties, when most people have mid-life crises. Mine manifested itself in an experimental turn to religion (paradoxically accompanied by a political turn to the right) that included a visit to my roots of Judaism through voracious reading of anything related to the Jewish religion and culture. Today, not as obsessed with theological constructs, I think of myself as a spiritual person with a connection to the universe. I firmly belief that our origins lie in something greater than us. While I’ve moved away from the concept of one super being named God, I refuse to believe that only science can explain our existence; that what we are is it; that we emanate from the big bang and when we die, we die – full stop! More on this in future articles.
Materiality
I never took seriously, the idea that we must accumulate wealth during our active years to keep us secure and happy in our old age. Well, actually I ignored the fact that wealth creation would decline as we aged. “Trust in the skills that got you this far to move you forward”, I always thought, without regard to the challenges of aging. There was kind of a desperate optimism at play as I was too lazy and in psychological denial to think otherwise. So I didn’t treat wealth accumulation as important – as long as there was money to spend at any given time (which there was). I still hold to that, but with a caveat; the majority of “things” we want, we don’t need. Wanting what we need versus the converse comes with age. I no longer underestimate the power of financial security. Furthermore, security is more of a concern today than it was even when our children were in their dependent years. But I might define security differently than you would. As the only saying goes one man’s [sic] ceiling is another man’s [sic] floor. With age comes a declining need to compare my material circumstance to that of others. An appreciation of who I am, versus who I’m not, i.e. integrity, is a greater source of well-being than is any amount of money in the bank. Integrity, being true to oneself, is one of the most important goals of older age. Integrity derives from being happy with who you are; not what you have. Return on integrity is as, if not more, important than return on investment. However, just because that might be the case, doesn’t diminish the importance of return on investment. It took me too long to come to that realization, because something in my personality was amiss.
Personality
As a self-proclaimed extrovert most of my life, generally deriving energy from the external world, I found myself becoming more insular as I got older and happier with being by myself. The neuroticism of my early and middle adult years has given way to a less worrisome existence and a greater sense of satisfaction with who I am. I sense a gradual return to who I was in my teen years and when I met my wife. I hope that I am much more amenable (and probably likeable) than I had been from my thirties into my fifties. I sensed my personality becoming harsher, unaccepting and judgmental over those latter decades. I was not a very likeable character as evidenced by my impatience with children, my wife and my workmates. Of course I can say this in retrospect, being blind to these during those times. Today, as I reflect on that, I’d like to think that I am softer and kinder – which I believe characterized my teen and early adulthood years. Nobody would ever say that I am the most empathetic person; even today. The difference in my older years is that I am realistic and at peace with who I am. Leaving genetics aside, personality in older age is derived from reflecting on prior experience including education, social interaction, freedom of expression and civic circumstance. My personality has always been buoyed by thoughtfulness, curiosity and intellectual pursuit. It is when I strayed from these catalysts that I became an unlikeable character. Another indicator of my personality in older age is a greater appreciation for calm reflection. I wonder if the world wouldn’t be a better place if older generations could instill this appreciation in others, given that too many societies continue to erode into factionalism, toxicity and violence. Which brings me to the final chapter of my self-talk.
Society
I think that as we age, we all have the capacity to move from despair for the world to a more liberating sense of wisdom and empathy. Whether we are successful in this endeavor is contingent upon where we live and under the type of governance structure to which we are subjected. And by governance, I don’t mean government. For example, technology governs our lives (e.g. Facebook, Twitter etc...) Rampant corporatism (e.g. McDonalds, Starbuck’s, Astra Zeneca etc…) governs our lives. I am no raving socialist. But as I get older I have to wonder what kind of people refuse to accept government’s role as providing the infrastructure and financing for health and education by demanding less taxation? What kind of people view government deficits as “bad”, but excessive, conspicuous consumption enabled by credit card debt as “good”? The older I get, the greater my despair for society, but, paradoxically, the greater my self-satisfaction. I’m not sure that this is such a good thing.
I welcome your reflections in continuing this conversation.
Spirituality
The more I see and read about religion, the more confident I am that God is a myth. But myths are not necessarily bad.
My interest in this myth, began a number of years ago and led me to reading philosophy and theology. It started when I became confused about what my life meant outside of the context of working for a living. Not that my family life was unsatisfying. It was more of a selfish inward search for meaning. It came to me in my forties, when most people have mid-life crises. Mine manifested itself in an experimental turn to religion (paradoxically accompanied by a political turn to the right) that included a visit to my roots of Judaism through voracious reading of anything related to the Jewish religion and culture. Today, not as obsessed with theological constructs, I think of myself as a spiritual person with a connection to the universe. I firmly belief that our origins lie in something greater than us. While I’ve moved away from the concept of one super being named God, I refuse to believe that only science can explain our existence; that what we are is it; that we emanate from the big bang and when we die, we die – full stop! More on this in future articles.
Materiality
I never took seriously, the idea that we must accumulate wealth during our active years to keep us secure and happy in our old age. Well, actually I ignored the fact that wealth creation would decline as we aged. “Trust in the skills that got you this far to move you forward”, I always thought, without regard to the challenges of aging. There was kind of a desperate optimism at play as I was too lazy and in psychological denial to think otherwise. So I didn’t treat wealth accumulation as important – as long as there was money to spend at any given time (which there was). I still hold to that, but with a caveat; the majority of “things” we want, we don’t need. Wanting what we need versus the converse comes with age. I no longer underestimate the power of financial security. Furthermore, security is more of a concern today than it was even when our children were in their dependent years. But I might define security differently than you would. As the only saying goes one man’s [sic] ceiling is another man’s [sic] floor. With age comes a declining need to compare my material circumstance to that of others. An appreciation of who I am, versus who I’m not, i.e. integrity, is a greater source of well-being than is any amount of money in the bank. Integrity, being true to oneself, is one of the most important goals of older age. Integrity derives from being happy with who you are; not what you have. Return on integrity is as, if not more, important than return on investment. However, just because that might be the case, doesn’t diminish the importance of return on investment. It took me too long to come to that realization, because something in my personality was amiss.
Personality
As a self-proclaimed extrovert most of my life, generally deriving energy from the external world, I found myself becoming more insular as I got older and happier with being by myself. The neuroticism of my early and middle adult years has given way to a less worrisome existence and a greater sense of satisfaction with who I am. I sense a gradual return to who I was in my teen years and when I met my wife. I hope that I am much more amenable (and probably likeable) than I had been from my thirties into my fifties. I sensed my personality becoming harsher, unaccepting and judgmental over those latter decades. I was not a very likeable character as evidenced by my impatience with children, my wife and my workmates. Of course I can say this in retrospect, being blind to these during those times. Today, as I reflect on that, I’d like to think that I am softer and kinder – which I believe characterized my teen and early adulthood years. Nobody would ever say that I am the most empathetic person; even today. The difference in my older years is that I am realistic and at peace with who I am. Leaving genetics aside, personality in older age is derived from reflecting on prior experience including education, social interaction, freedom of expression and civic circumstance. My personality has always been buoyed by thoughtfulness, curiosity and intellectual pursuit. It is when I strayed from these catalysts that I became an unlikeable character. Another indicator of my personality in older age is a greater appreciation for calm reflection. I wonder if the world wouldn’t be a better place if older generations could instill this appreciation in others, given that too many societies continue to erode into factionalism, toxicity and violence. Which brings me to the final chapter of my self-talk.
Society
I think that as we age, we all have the capacity to move from despair for the world to a more liberating sense of wisdom and empathy. Whether we are successful in this endeavor is contingent upon where we live and under the type of governance structure to which we are subjected. And by governance, I don’t mean government. For example, technology governs our lives (e.g. Facebook, Twitter etc...) Rampant corporatism (e.g. McDonalds, Starbuck’s, Astra Zeneca etc…) governs our lives. I am no raving socialist. But as I get older I have to wonder what kind of people refuse to accept government’s role as providing the infrastructure and financing for health and education by demanding less taxation? What kind of people view government deficits as “bad”, but excessive, conspicuous consumption enabled by credit card debt as “good”? The older I get, the greater my despair for society, but, paradoxically, the greater my self-satisfaction. I’m not sure that this is such a good thing.
I welcome your reflections in continuing this conversation.